Re: Grandson anger management

[ Parent to Parent Forum ]

Posted by judylavin on September 13, 2003 at 13:13:59:

In Reply to: Re: Grandson anger management posted by Jan Rose on September 02, 2003 at 12:14:27:

Hi Jan,
Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I didn't realize you had written. This just showed up today or I must have overlooked it.

My advice is to definitely get him one-on-one counseling. And, you can probably find a professional, private counselor through the school district. They are used to dealing with these kinds problems.
There are infinite advantages to using a therapist. In addition to helping all of you deal with your grandson,the counselor will usually work as an advocate for your child at the school, which will help the school officials deal with him and also help your grandson. One note: I wouldn't use the school's in-house school social worker/therapist. Get someone private and out of the system. Using the person, in-house, doesn't work well in almost all cases.

You probably don't need a psychiatrist--a social worker will do fine. If your grandson has impulse control issues, which are a biological thing, then he may need medication. A good social worker should be able to coordinate with a psychiatrist for the meds.

You grandson may me depressed. Depressed kids show their depression, not with uncontrollable tears but with rage and anger. So, he really needs the one-on-one professional support--especially, since you've tried everything else.

It seems that he may be trying to control his behavior--that he doesn't want to pummel the kid--but he just can't control himself.
So, he needs the help.

Regardless of the fact that his symptoms will relax or disappear once he's in therapy, do know that his treatment may not be a short one--meaning a month or two. So, stick with it--even if the symptoms go away initially. If you stop the counseling when his hitting stops or he calms down, then within a month or so, he will begin acting out again, because he's not cured. It takes a lot of time to help someone psychologically. And, it can be a bumpy process. But as long as he keeps making progress, keep with it. (If he's getting better, but he complains about going to the therapist--kids don't like to go to doctors--continue with the therapy.)

And, your daughter should hire a therapist who can advise her as well as her son. She has to be able to discuss her concerns about her son with the therapist.

Actually, I have a chapter in my book, SPECIAL KIDS NEED SPECIAL PARENTS, on choosing a therapist and working with one. You might take a look for more tips.

By the way, you can also get a referral for a therapist, from your pediatrician or friends.

Please write back and let me know how you proceeded. I wish you luck and I hope this has been helpful.